Lessons from coaching little kids

“Don’t you want to coach Will?”

I can still hear those words and remember taking a moment to think carefully before I responded. The truth was that I had always dreamed of coaching my own kid and the team he would be on, just not necessarily at this age.

“I love coaching Will. I’m just not sure I can handle coaching ten six and seven year olds.”

“Well… I signed us up, so I hope you’ll help out. It’ll be fun. Something we can do together.”

The main concern in my head was what could you actually teach a team of six and seven year olds? What are they going to be able to learn and will I just get too frustrated in the process? Life is busy and putting one more obligation on top of everything seemed like it was going to be too much.

The team we ended up getting ended up being small. Really small. The smallest team in the league. Literally. And not only small, but by far the most inexperienced team in the league. Being able to even pass the ball, let alone make a basket, was going to be a challenge. And for somebody who plays to win, especially basketball, to give that up right from the get go was a little tough to swallow.

We ended up losing every game although one was actually pretty close. We did manage to score in every game and even in double digits twice. In the end, I wouldn’t have traded any of those kids. I’ll be forever grateful for the lessons they taught me over those couple of months together.

It is amazing what you can learn in two months.
We had these kids for two months. We practiced one night a week and sometimes on a Saturday before our game. We had eight boys and two girls. One five year old. In two months, these kids learned to play a zone defense, set up an offense, and gained the core fundamentals to passing, dribbling, and making close baskets. We had three kids that on day one could not even throw the ball up to the eight foot rim. The amount that they learned in the short time was a great reminder of how easy it is for us to learn. We just need to get out of our own way most of the time and try.

It feels really good to be on a team.
My son loved being on a team. He loved having teammates. They cheered for each other during games and practices and were so excited to be a part of something. They talked about the good things they did during the games and practices. They cheered louder for each other than their parents. They put their arms around each other when they got hurt. The type of social acceptance and interaction that can come from being on a team is invaluable.

You have to learn to be tough.
I think many of us think it is just natural and easy to be tough. To really be tough though you have to go through getting hurt and fighting through pain. We had several kids cry in games. They all came back and played harder. Even more importantly, they were proud that they came back and kept playing. We played against some big and tough kids. They would pick on us a bit and steal the ball quite often. At one point, our little five year old got stuck with the ball and a bunch of big kids were all around him with the ref yelling at him to stop running. I think we all were yelling a bit to try to help him. A look of terror came across his face and he just started to cry. Feeling overwhelmed and scared is a powerful emotion. The thing that is so great about little kids though is that most of the time they don’t let that fear continue to be so paralyzing.

Motivation comes from unexpected places.
After our first game, we or rather I, had some concerns about whether or not our own son was going to be tough enough to play. Was he really going to want to do this? Now, we are perfectly fine if he doesn’t want to play basketball although we may go through a depression. But we don’t want to force our son to do this if he doesn’t want to. So the question came up, how can we motivate him to try? Turns out wanting a Beanie Boo (stuffed animals that little kids like to collect — don’t ask) to add to your collection is a powerful motivator. Sometimes all it takes is for something to get you kickstarted.

Set realistic expectations.
Learning your limits and what are possible and achievable goals are important. When we first started I was set on teaching them man to man defense. After all, teaching them to stay with their man was a great learning block, or so I thought. The reality is that it is hard for a six or seven year old (especially five year olds) to keep track of their man during a game situation. Substitutions happen and a focus on the man becomes more important than the ball. Teaching positions and expectations for positions in a zone defense turns out translates better at this age. You now can focus on the person in your space rather than try to find your person. Assigning areas of responsibility just simplifies everything.

Celebrate the little successes.
We learned to cheer for all of the little things. The great defensive play. The great rebound. The great pass. The great catch. And once in a while, that great shot. Being positive is contagious. It makes people want to try harder. In our last game there was a moment when one of the little kids just ran down the court on a fast break, and by him doing so he created some natural space for my son to make his first basket of the season. I gave him high a five and thanked him for running and playing so hard. He gave me the biggest smile and as good fortune would have it, he scored a basket less than two minutes later. Little successes build to bigger successes.

Teach honesty and be fair.
The biggest frustration for me during the season would be when a bigger, more talented kid from an opposing team would take the ball away from one of our little kids more than thirty feet away from the basket. We were trying to find ways to give the little ones opportunities to participate in the games. At times. it would feel like sharks preying on minnows. There was one point in a game when our best kid was about to do the same thing to one of the other team’s little girls. It would have been easy for him to just take the ball away. He looked up at me at that moment and we locked eyes. He stepped back and did the right thing. I was so proud of him for holding back. For playing with decency and a heart. Life isn’t about being ruthless and just winning. Life is more about becoming your best and helping others along the way. Competition is healthy. It is inspiring when done with integrity and fairness.

Jump stops.
When I saw our little kids having a hard time getting the ball to the rim, I had a quick thought to teach them to do a jump stop before shooting. Focus on the jump stop with two feet, then worry about the shot. They instantly had more power and were balanced with their shot. Sometimes those hard stops allow you to gather yourself to ensure better results.

Mental balance.
I found myself looking forward to the practices each week, even more than the games. It was a chance to focus on people that were excited to learn, to try, and wanted to make you proud. I felt a sense of debt to them. I owed them for trusting me. Doing things for others makes you better. Many of us fall into the excuse that life is too busy. We are tired and stressed. What may surprise you is that what you really may need to help you feel energized and refreshed is a few weeks of working with little kids.

I am already looking forward to next year. I appreciate the opportunity that was given and I’m grateful for the many things these little giants taught me.